I am part of a generation of children who come from families broken by divorce. I'm one of those children.  So is my husband.  It was painful then…somedays it's painful now, over twenty years later.  I think about it more often than anyone who hasn't been the child affected by divorce would expect.   Using the term "broken family" may be offensive to some of the parents who choose divorce…even my own, but from my personal experience…it's the perfect term.  This world causes brokenness…but hope is found in the truth that the One True God brings healing.  I love the family that I have now.  I love my step-father, my step-sisters {whom I always refer to as my sisters and feel wrong referring to them as anything else} and I adore every  one of my nieces and the lone 6 foot three inch nephew I have gained because of God's grace.

Divorce happens to good people; people who love the Lord and people who attend church.  They may serve the Lord in various capacities in and out of church.   But, all of these good things don't make their marriage immune to the evil of this world and the lion who seeks to steal, kill and destroy, and not a day goes by that I don't look at my own husband and children and pray for God to protect us.  I read articles, devotionals, scripture, listen to praise music, and initiate really uncomfortable conversations with my husband about transparency, trust, commitment and love languages, because I don't want us to be broken.  We've only been married for eleven years and I pray we have many more decades ahead of us so that we can leave a legacy of true covenant love for our children and grandchildren,  a legacy that is few and far between in this culture.  But to accomplish that the most important thing I have learned in our eleven years is that a covenant marriage takes constant work.  It is living and breathing just like me and my sweet husband and it can transition from vivacious to feeble very quickly.  Here is a list of ways to strengthen and arm your marriage to defend itself against the arrows of this fallen world:

1. The Wise Couple Builds Their House On The Rock.  As believers we are instructed that our marriage ought to mirror the relationship between Jesus Christ and the church.  I tell my children to never try to be like anyone else in this world, not even me, only strive to be like Jesus and the same principle applies to marriage.  Strive to be like Christ and his bride.   Attend church together regularly.  {Hold hands while you sit in that pew each Sunday or whatever day you attend.}  Begin and end each day in prayer together and pray in between whenever you feel the need.  Memorize scripture together so that you each hide God's word in your hearts.  Study the word together as a team.  Husbands, lead.  Wives, follow.  "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.a 28In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30because we are members of his body. 31“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."  Ephesians 5:25-33
2. Exemplify Fruits Of The Spirit To Each Other.  "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Against such things there is no law."  Galations 5:22-23  All of these gifts are not something we are born knowing…they are all learned and adopted as we, followers of Jesus, grow in the Word and our relationship with God and each gift is relevant to the way we show love to our spouse.  The spiritual gift passage echoes this popular wedding passage from 1 Corinthians, " Love is patient, love is kind.  it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
3. HONOR your spouse.  This means you choose them first, even when they are not with you.  You show him/her the utmost consideration at all times.  Let's say you are at a work retreat when a male co-worker invites you to the bar for drinks or out to lunch {not with a large group}.  Completely innocent; nothing more.  Just friends.  Stop and ASK YOURSELF:  "Does being at a bar or lunch with another man honor my husband? " As your friend I say no, it does not.  Say no, go find another woman to hang out with or go back to your room and watch a good movie!  By choosing to spend time with someone of the opposite sex you are opening the door to temptation in the future to kindle a friendship with another man which may lend itself to a deeper relationship eventually.  HONOR your spouse.  {NOTE:  I understand that interaction with other men in life, especially at work, is inevitable, but be smart.  Have meetings in your office, never close the door, don't meet to discuss business over drinks or a quaint lunch because you turn the meeting into something much more personal and risk the chance that conversation will turn to things not work related.  You ought never vent or share personal topics with a man that isn't your husband.  This applies to housewives too.  Stay away from men at the gym, at church, at your running club.}  My husband and I have an agreement; no lunches, dinners, drinks, coffee…nada with people of the opposite sex.  There have been times when this had to be amended; like when I was running my social media marketing business and I had to meet a male client for lunch b/c I did not have an office within which to meet.  {I worked from home}, so I told my husband ahead of time and I chose a place where a lot of people knew me, we met for lunch, not drinks, {alcohol + opposite sexes = more chances for bad choices you may not otherwise make} and I made sure I was dressed modestly to not send the wrong impression.  It gave me accountability and I was truthful with my husband BEFORE the meeting.
4. Trust is based on TRUTH.  Be 100% painfully transparent with your spouse and you will both be thankful in the long haul.  If you find yourself texting another man other than your spouse, stop it.  Perhaps it is completely innocent and there is not flirting involved (at first) but it still isn't right because you are getting to know another man; thus kindling a relationship with a man other than your husband.  Save your texts for your husband and let the other man save his texts for his wife.  If you look forward to seeing another man other than your spouse, change your routine.   If someone makes you feel special and gives you a spark inside other than your spouse…RUN AWAY.  And above all, tell your spouse everything.  I know, that conversation is going to suck…big  sour lemons, but as long as you lead with love and kindness you will come out the other side stronger.  Complete transparency is crucial.  Never delete messages or pictures from your phone because you fear your husband/wife may find them.  That is a clear sign they should never be there in the first place.  Your spouse will respect you for being truthful.  Your spouse should be able to read your phone at any minute without you being afraid..  If you have already hurt your spouse in the past then have faith that forgiveness will be given and trust will come again in time.  Forgiveness is to be given when asked of you, but trust is something that is built over time.
5. Make Sex a Priority.  I did…I typed the word S-E-X.  {All my fellow Baptist girlfriends are freaking out and praying for me about now.  Sarcasm ladies.  I love you.  You love me.}  Sex was created by God and given to us as a gift and it is meant to be shared often between a husband and wife.  I don't know why, but over the years I have had many women come to me to discuss being unfulfilled in their intimacy and it has always been because their husband is not considerate of them in the bedroom and so they'd rather just not have sex at all.  Men obviously think about sex often that is why our society is obsessed with it, but I feel like there is this false belief that women just don't care.  Like we could do without it.  That is not true.  We think about it as well because that intimate connection affirms our love to our spouse.  It is the ultimate act of sharing ourselves with our husbands.  If you don't feel loved between the sheets then your husband may not be considering you.  Just like any other area in life ladies, we need our husband's consideration in the bedroom too.  He is probably oblivious that you don't feel loved during intimacy, men don't think like us, you have to tell him.  Make him listen to your feelings, but speak them in the kindest most gentle way possible because you don't want to offend his manhood.  Don't push him away…ask him to hold you tighter, melt into his arms.  When hard times come don't stop sharing yourself with him because sometimes that will be the only time you feel connected to him.

You see, just because this world and the generations before me were broken, that doesn't mean that I have to accept that for my own marriage.  Jehova Ropha, the LORD our healer is here to mend the wounds of the past, restore the broken and create beauty from ashes.  

"1The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;a
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;b
2to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
3to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified.c
4They shall build up the ancient ruins;
they shall raise up the former devastations;
they shall repair the ruined cities,
the devastations of many generations." 

Isaiah 61:1-4