The first week of every year is always packed full of proclamations from all over the world, {no thanks to social media}, of all that we want to do, be, earn, lose in the 365 days ahead.  Did you do it?  Did you boldly share with all who will listen, read, hold you accountable, the new year's resolution(s) you intend to make in your life in 2017?  You did.  I mean just log into social media and spend the next couple of hours reading them.  There are plenty of photos of healthy food choices plated beneath just-the-right lighting, food choices folks think are healthy but really are not, gym selfies, daily bible passages and #ootd posts.  It can be very overwhelming and intimidating to make a proclamation when I feel like I am not enough in sooooooo many areas.  I was curious about how to be a better wife and mother to my family so I decided to ask my husband to choose three things. THESE THREE THINGS are what I promise to give 100% effort in the year ahead as his wife and mother to our three ring circus.

{I actually choose three things for my husband and ask my husband to also give me three things to focus on in the year ahead to improve our life together.  For the purpose of this post I will focus on the three things I ask of him}.  

As a wife and mother I am constantly feeling as if I am not enough.  Do you feel me?  Not young enough, hot enough, skinny enough, smart enough, kind enough, sweet enough, soft-spoken enough, well-dressed enough, fun enough, adventurous enough, faithful enough, modest enough, sexy enough, thankful enough, available enough.  Enough.  It all gets so overwhelming that it makes me crawl into a hobbit hole of sheets and blankets (my bed) some days, eat a jar of Nutella and binge watch Bravo.  But if I can focus on giving 100% to just three things for the year then it helps alleviate the pressure, the burden of being enough.  This all began a few years after I left my corporate job to stay home.  You see, I had a difficult time adjusting to not having proof of my hard work all day.  I mean y'all, my house looks exactly the same when my husband gets home as it did when he left most days, actually some days it looks worse!  It doesn't matter that I did four more loads of laundry or ran the dishwasher twice already; there will always be a pile of laundry and dirty dishes during this phase of life.  So I found myself, and still do, giving Mr. G.Q. a bulleted verbal list of all that I completed that day...even though no one can tell by looking at my house.  He doesn't care about my mess.  He knows.  I'm sure some of you will read this and think "Why do you care what he thinks?  It's about improving yourself, not him.  Do what makes you happy."  Our American society is obsessed with a self-seeking and self-righteous focus on only doing what makes YOU happy, and in turn we can be better for the world around us.  I do take time for myself and I preach to other moms that they need to take time for themselves as well, but being a stay-at-home wife and mother is the most selfless calling I have ever answered in my life and the pressure to appear perfect at all times is just too much to handle.  My problem is I don't ever know what is most important to him if I don't ask him and I CARE about what is most important to my husband. Our only restriction is that none of the three things can be related to sex.  Sexual intimacy is a very important component of the husband/wife relationship and we have plenty of talks about our needs and wants - you should too.  {Another day, another post}.  So, no sex on the card.  Most of the time his three things for me are not the same as my three things for myself.  Funny how that works right?  Not.  Does he want a spic-n-span house, is it most important to him that I workout regularly to take care of the temple I have been given, does he want me to work on controlling my temper?   I give him an index card and ask him to write down these three things and I complete a card for him as well.  

How do we choose the three things?  Each thing can be simple or complex or a mixture of both.  Obviously asking me to focus on taking good care of my body means I need to focus on living a healthy lifestyle of fitness and consumption.  Controlling my temper was actually one of his requests the first year and as a believer that sent me straight to God's word to use the tools our Heavenly Father has given us to be slow to anger and place a guard at our lips.  Some requests are less complex, like having a clean kitchen each night before bed or being punctual.  Other requests may take a little nudging such as, if you request for your husband to lead a daily devotional for your family then go online and pick one out on Amazon and have it delivered to your door.  Leave it on his pillow.  LOL.  If you want to have a weekly date night then sit down together with a planner and schedule your dates for the next year, send him a website like the Dating Divas for help coming up with a variety of date night options and let him know you will handle arranging the babysitter.  Teamwork makes the dream work ladies.  THESE THREE THINGS has really helped me relax and honestly it gives me a much needed hall pass on everything else that adds to the pressure of trying to be some perfect fitness blogging, pinterest craft wielding, organic #wannabefoodie wife and mother.

If you decided to use this method with your spouse please come back here and let me know.  I'd love to read your messages and hear your stories.