This last week was full of stressors for me. Nothing extraordinary, just normal stress; a root canal, an unruly preschool fit of rage at church bible study (him, not me), no-so-exciting notes from teachers, hours spent on homework trying to grasp the concepts of math, so much laundry and a traveling husband. Last night when that bucket of homemade slime hit the floor in my kitchen I hit my max when I should have hit my knees. I didn’t yell at the kids BC I wasn’t mad at them at all. I was mad at me. I started yelling at myself and all I had done wrong. I’d nearly made it all week with self control and grounded faith, and then in an instant I let go of everything and released all my fears and struggles to run wild in my head. I ended up bawling my eyes out on the phone to my sister. Thank the Lord for sisters, amen? This morning I awakened full of regret and a barrel full of apologies to my husband, my sister, myself but most of all God. I should have run to him and no one else. Honestly, I was overdue for an tear-laden breakdown, but my hope was to not have one at all in 2018. Big hope, I know but one can only hope and pray. We all have them, whether we post them online or not. Our triggers are all different, perhaps yours is work related, money related or family drama. I know what my trigger is and I can feel when I am walking too close to the edge
So this morning I came to the only place I know to go to find peace and a a new start...my back porch. I have a recliner out there with a small metal side table for my coffee, bible, books, journal. It’s been too cold recently to enjoy my porch so I’ve been trying other spots inside. They just were not the same for me. This morning though, the weather was warm enough to retreat to my spot. The birds were singing and scripture filled my head as I heard their joyful songs. Life is messy and hard y’all, for everyone. I get that. But it’s so much harder when I try to control all of it and when I pounce on myself, so this morning I seek refuge.
