Joy So Slippery

Joy is slippery sometimes.  It can be hard to grasp but once you have it in your warm hands it is always hard to hold onto when life happens; life always happens.  It blows my mind how the people in my life, that bring me the most joy, are also the same people the devil uses to try and steal my joy every single day.  I am talking about my husband and all three of my kids.  {GASP, you know what I am talking about friend.}  I love them all with a fierce passion but when I am really battling life it only takes a few words, yells or a moment of misbehavior for my joy to slip from my hands and shatter on the hot concrete at my feet as anger spews from my mouth and tears sting my eyes.  It is in those moments that I can almost hear satan laughing at me because he won the round.  I have literally yelled at him in front of my kids...more than once, and cried out in the name of JESUS for satan to get away from us. 

Today was no different; it is Sunday and he always attacks me on Sunday.  What a douchebag.  I was constantly battling the devil as he tried to steal my joy from the moment I awakened from a night of restless sleep.  We were late to church, per usual, Gamechanger was that child at the grocery store which caused me to rush out as quickly as possible and forget to purchase two items.  The grilled chicken sandwich I had to order from a burger chain was disgusting so I spit out the first bite and still haven't eaten lunch.  It is dinnertime now.  I had discipline issues with the Cowboy on the culd-de-sac which required me to parent in a way I don't like to parent and the annoying creme de la creme came about as I was packaging my spotless, completely in tact OLD iPhone for return to Verizon. 

I took my OLD phone into the local Verizon store one week ago because it was acting possessed.  They took a few minutes to look at my spotless phone and decide to send me a NEW one via mail which was completely covered under warranty.  FANTASTIC NEWS!  All was well and I received excellent customer service.  Then today as I am packing the OLD phone for shipment to the warranty return center it slips from my arms, hits the ground and cracks the screen!  Do you even know what that means???  That means when I return it they will charge me $300 for sending back a damaged phone!  A phone that was completely spotless one hour ago.  I literally cried on the phone with the local Verizon Wireless lady and explained to her that my tears were not because of some stupid phone; my tears were a product of all the stress in life right now and this cracked iPhone was simply the straw that broke this tired woman's back. She was very nice and understanding and suggested I go get the screen replaced and then the phone is in great condition again and I can return it. I'll be adding an errand to my list tomorrow.

All this to say once again that joy is a slippery little booger.  I wake up every morning so thankful for His mercy and grace and the opportunity to seek and find joy in life.  Yet every. single. day. joy slips in and out of my grasp.  Do you know exactly how I feel?  Are you tired?  Stressed?  Overwhelmed?  Do you even recognize yourself anymore?  Do you feel lonely?  I know we all are, but some of us are better at covering up the struggles in life with smiley selfies on social media and rants about how amazing our life is while the rest of us are running around looking like a hot mess with a messy bun (that isn't inspired by a cute tutorial on Pinterest), screaming toddlers, disobedient adolescents and a cracked iPhone.  Join me today as I once again yell at the devil to get away from me, because I really want to hold onto my joy today in the name of Jesus.  Jesus.  Jesus.

"You believe that God is one; you do well.  Even the demons believe - and shudder."  James 2:19

"No one is like you, LORD; you are great, and your name is mighty in power."  Jeremiah 10:6

Claim Your Joy and Wash Away The Vomit

I had a plan for today and about 3 a.m. I threw it in the washing machine with a load of dirty bedding.  You see that is what happens when one of my children awakens me from a dead sleep to let me know he has just thrown up IN his bed.  He did a good job too, very thourough.  He made sure to leave a mark on every pillow, sheet, blanket and stuffed animal within a two foot radius of him.  It was messy and gross, but it's probably the 500th time in nine years of being called "Mommy" that I have cleaned up puke.  I wiped/picked up what I could with tissue, flushed that down the toilet, washed off and lysoled the stuffed animal, ripped all bedding off the bed, sent him to claim the vomit bucket and pulled the sleeping bag from the top bunk to the bottom bunk.  He was back in bed, all that nasty bedding was in the washer and I was back in bed in less than ten minutes.  

I planned to go to the gym today, because it is #legday after all, and I dreamed of stopping by the library for a new book to get lost in when I have quiet moments...which only happen in the bathroom lately; even those aren't so often to be completely honest.  (Children know when mommy is in the bathroom; they have radar).  I was relieved to awaken at 6:30 a.m. and no more puke.  #winning.  I think he is loving all the Netflix today because he was given full liberty to the media room in order to keep the baby from getting all up in his big brother's germ-infested business today.  Thankfully he has eaten and had water and kept it all down.  My oldest still had to be at school so we went into our normal routine of packing lunches and getting teeth and hair brushed.  Breakfast was cereal or cinnamon toast, except Gamechanger; he had both and didn't really eat either one.  I thought he had eaten his toast and I was so proud of him until I found it soaked in his grape juice and lying all sad and forgotten on my hardwood floors beneath the bar.  I wanted to snapchat the whole fiasco and send it to my friend Tamara, with whom I snapchat all my good mom-life episodes, but I just didn't take the time to do it.   I cleaned it up while the baby screamed at me for cleaning it up.  Good news is the oldest made it to school just two minutes past when I was supposed to have her there.  Hooray!

I have hairy legs, oily hair, haven't washed my face this morning or applied any makeup and I my eyebrows...oh my eyebrows.  I've been folding laundry and watching reruns of Sex And The City for hours now and I am still not finished.  This show is so addicting!  I can't stop and E! has it set up to immediately go into another episode as soon as one finishes.  Of all things, this show and You've Got Mail make me want to visit New York City so badly.  I'll have to be certain to pack a new box of freshly sharpened pencils though -thats one of my favorite lines from You've Got Mail.  The baby has played with play-doh, tickled with me, played educational and not-so-educational games on the ipad, watched Super Buddies and had ice cream and a PB&J.  He tried to knock down all my laundry because he considers my stacks to be "tow-uhs" and what else do you do with a tower but knock it down?!?  Gosh he is cute.  Now I have him locked in his room to take a nap b/c it's the only way since he learned to open the door and I refuse to spend any money on those plastic childproof doorknob covers.  I never had them with my first two and I refuse to give in now.  Thankfully he has two doors and one locks from the inside while the other locks from the outside so that I can easily get to him quickly without a key.  AND he doesn't know how to unlock the one from the inside or else he'd be climbing on me now as I type.  I'm in trouble when he does figure it out and lock me out of somewhere important.  (We all know it is bound to happen.)  I hope to go to the gym after Mr. GQ gets home from his new job but that means less time to spend with him and that makes me sad.  Today has not been the day I had planned, nor will this evening be the evening I had planned.

It's days like this I know that satan is trying as hard as he can to get under my skin and steal my joy.  He does come to steal, kill and destroy and not always tangible things.  "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.  I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."  John 10:10.  I believe he has a lot of fun destroying families and marriages, friendships and stealing our joy.  I absolutely hate and despise that he uses the people I love most in my life to make me angry or downtrodden or frustrated.  He tries to make me feel defeated and he always knows just where to hit me.  But I have a choice to make; and so do you.  We can let him steal our joy; we can fly off the handle and yell at the ones we love most and sit on the sofa eating chips and guacamole while watching Bravo or we can CHOOSE to claim our joy in all things.  All too often I feel anger heat up inside of me and then it spews forth from my mouth just like nasty fowl smelling vomit.  I yell and kick and throw things (usually in my closet or garage) and I call a trusted friend who also loves the LORD to listen to me let it all out.  Today I actually remained calm and carried on, as the t-shirt says.  I am so very thankful for the handsome, faithful husband and three sweet angels that I awakened to this morning.  The title of MOMMY has been my greatest accomplishment in life and one that I cherish daily, even on days when I don't act grateful or show my gratitude.  I chose today to accept that my schedule was not going to happen.  I didn't have anywhere pressing to be and I wasn't late for a plane.  I had a lot of laundry to fold and I still have to finish.  This is the perfect time to do it.  Hopefully I also go for the gold star and put the laundry away.

"But the Fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control; against such things there is no law.  And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.  If we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.  Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another."  Galations 5:22-25