ISO: Mom Friend, Enjoys Live Music, Hallmark Movies, Workout Leggings As Pants, A Crude Sense Of Humor and Lover of Jesus

Friendship is everything y’all, I mean aside from the given #1,2,3 {Jesus, Husband, Kids}.We all need girlfriends, because they make life easier, and in my opinion, the older you get the more you need them. Today I was gently reminded that the search for mom-friends is a real topic we need to discuss.It can be SO HARD!But being alone is even harder.

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When I moved to this pretty little town in the Texas hill country two years ago I knew I was going to need to find myself a friend or an entire group of them.  {wannabereal:  I was so desperate for conversation with an adult that when I went to visit my hairdresser every six weeks I got nervous/excited!  She was the deepest conversation I had for months, and God love her for being so kind as to listen to me and all the crazy that came from my mouth.  Y’all know.  I’m was a mess.  Still am, new day, same me.  @saryn_henk you are the best and you make me feel beautiful every six weeks.  Thanks Babe!🔥}

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But the wannabereal truth is you can’t make friends just sitting at home waiting on someone to invite you to do something.  You even have to do more then just show up at that women’s bible study you went to last week...you have to actually talk!  Throw yourself in the deep end and swim dadgumit!  When you find someone that talks back ask them question.  TIP:  People generally like talking about themselves so ask questions until you find one they get excited about and don’t dominate the conversation.  Equally Important: be a good listener.  This is where I struggle, because I can talk for hours upon hours. That woman sitting in front of you may need a mom-friend just as badly as you and has something she needs to say to somebody, anybody, but no one ever takes the time to listen to her!  Be her person, even if just for today.  This method works y’all.  I have proved it time and time again and I have made friends everywhere:  church, the park, a Tex-next restaurant, Costco (seriously great lil story and I am still friends with her to this very minute). 

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All this to say being at home full-time with or without your kids is a very lonely job, especially if you have a traveling husband who isn’t at home in the evening to talk and debrief about your day, or maybe a husband who just doesn’t talk.  I’ve been there...still am there y’all, and we all need “our people”.  They come to you when you are sick, bring your Gatorade and grape juice when kids are puking, run carpool when you have three soccer games at the same time in two different locations and only one of you.  They spot the look of panic on your face and come to your rescue when you have no words to defend yourself, they laugh and cry with you, they don’t judge you for your stumbling blocks and failures, {or at least they should not}, they take awesome overnight adventures with you and act like you are all 22 again, and they love you through this big beautiful mess we call motherhood.  Go find your people and hug them tight, then buy matching pajamas and have a sleepover.  Invite me.  I’ll bring the coffee, wine and crude sense of humor.

These Three Things

The first week of every year is always packed full of proclamations from all over the world, {no thanks to social media}, of all that we want to do, be, earn, lose in the 365 days ahead.  Did you do it?  Did you boldly share with all who will listen, read, hold you accountable, the new year's resolution(s) you intend to make in your life in 2017?  You did.  I mean just log into social media and spend the next couple of hours reading them.  There are plenty of photos of healthy food choices plated beneath just-the-right lighting, food choices folks think are healthy but really are not, gym selfies, daily bible passages and #ootd posts.  It can be very overwhelming and intimidating to make a proclamation when I feel like I am not enough in sooooooo many areas.  I was curious about how to be a better wife and mother to my family so I decided to ask my husband to choose three things. THESE THREE THINGS are what I promise to give 100% effort in the year ahead as his wife and mother to our three ring circus.

{I actually choose three things for my husband and ask my husband to also give me three things to focus on in the year ahead to improve our life together.  For the purpose of this post I will focus on the three things I ask of him}.  

As a wife and mother I am constantly feeling as if I am not enough.  Do you feel me?  Not young enough, hot enough, skinny enough, smart enough, kind enough, sweet enough, soft-spoken enough, well-dressed enough, fun enough, adventurous enough, faithful enough, modest enough, sexy enough, thankful enough, available enough.  Enough.  It all gets so overwhelming that it makes me crawl into a hobbit hole of sheets and blankets (my bed) some days, eat a jar of Nutella and binge watch Bravo.  But if I can focus on giving 100% to just three things for the year then it helps alleviate the pressure, the burden of being enough.  This all began a few years after I left my corporate job to stay home.  You see, I had a difficult time adjusting to not having proof of my hard work all day.  I mean y'all, my house looks exactly the same when my husband gets home as it did when he left most days, actually some days it looks worse!  It doesn't matter that I did four more loads of laundry or ran the dishwasher twice already; there will always be a pile of laundry and dirty dishes during this phase of life.  So I found myself, and still do, giving Mr. G.Q. a bulleted verbal list of all that I completed that day...even though no one can tell by looking at my house.  He doesn't care about my mess.  He knows.  I'm sure some of you will read this and think "Why do you care what he thinks?  It's about improving yourself, not him.  Do what makes you happy."  Our American society is obsessed with a self-seeking and self-righteous focus on only doing what makes YOU happy, and in turn we can be better for the world around us.  I do take time for myself and I preach to other moms that they need to take time for themselves as well, but being a stay-at-home wife and mother is the most selfless calling I have ever answered in my life and the pressure to appear perfect at all times is just too much to handle.  My problem is I don't ever know what is most important to him if I don't ask him and I CARE about what is most important to my husband. Our only restriction is that none of the three things can be related to sex.  Sexual intimacy is a very important component of the husband/wife relationship and we have plenty of talks about our needs and wants - you should too.  {Another day, another post}.  So, no sex on the card.  Most of the time his three things for me are not the same as my three things for myself.  Funny how that works right?  Not.  Does he want a spic-n-span house, is it most important to him that I workout regularly to take care of the temple I have been given, does he want me to work on controlling my temper?   I give him an index card and ask him to write down these three things and I complete a card for him as well.  

How do we choose the three things?  Each thing can be simple or complex or a mixture of both.  Obviously asking me to focus on taking good care of my body means I need to focus on living a healthy lifestyle of fitness and consumption.  Controlling my temper was actually one of his requests the first year and as a believer that sent me straight to God's word to use the tools our Heavenly Father has given us to be slow to anger and place a guard at our lips.  Some requests are less complex, like having a clean kitchen each night before bed or being punctual.  Other requests may take a little nudging such as, if you request for your husband to lead a daily devotional for your family then go online and pick one out on Amazon and have it delivered to your door.  Leave it on his pillow.  LOL.  If you want to have a weekly date night then sit down together with a planner and schedule your dates for the next year, send him a website like the Dating Divas for help coming up with a variety of date night options and let him know you will handle arranging the babysitter.  Teamwork makes the dream work ladies.  THESE THREE THINGS has really helped me relax and honestly it gives me a much needed hall pass on everything else that adds to the pressure of trying to be some perfect fitness blogging, pinterest craft wielding, organic #wannabefoodie wife and mother.

If you decided to use this method with your spouse please come back here and let me know.  I'd love to read your messages and hear your stories.

Pressure

It's only the second day of 2016 and already I feel intense pressure pushing me down.  I keep trying to get back up and then someone hollers one of my many names, my front door opens and children spill inside my house (that I've been trying to clean for five hours), my stomach growls because it is hungry and I remember I left an uneaten salad sitting on the kitchen counter.  Everyone is talking about how they take down their Christmas decor on December 26th and I just wanna shake them and kick them in the shins because my Christmas is usually still up until just before Valentine's Day.  {Because that is my deadline.}  It's not because I don't want to take it all down...it's because someone is always calling my name, changing my plan for the day by showing up at my house, sick, wanting to play...or I am just tired and want to get lost with a tub of hummus, some pita chips and bravo on the tv.   

My pile-o-Christmas. I'm not even going to mention my three trees; which I love and don't want to scale down.  I do love them. 

Last night I uttered words I wish I never had allowed to escape my lips.   I said I was going to the gym today.  Then today arrived and I can't keep up with life. The baby is always needing something, getting angry at his siblings, needs his nose wiped or diaper changed.  The biggins want to host all their friends in the movie room and I don't want to say no because I love their friends like family and I want them to want to hang out at my house.  So instead I get my stern face and voice in order and lay down the laws of my house.  A chorus of "yes ma'am".  I'm sure I'll miss all of this one day too soon.  I had two kids fishing in my koi pond yesterday.  They were using real rods... with real hooks which got caught in my tree when they tried to cast it.  A third kiddo was fishing for crawfish under our trampoline and had mud up to her elbows and knees.  

On a good note I awakened this morning and thought as I glanced in the mirror while brushing my teeth and my hair at the same time {multi tasking is crucial as a mother} "hey, I look rested and young!  Awesome day".  Then I went upstairs to help my daughter and she very lovingly and with a concerned voice looked at my reflection in her  mirror and said "Mommy, you look tired." Sad face.  I just woke up!   I thought I looked good!  Poor baby.  She doesnt know how those words are like salt in a wound to a mother of three in her mid-thirties. I do wear makeup for a very good reason.  To cover my tired looking face up and because Instagram filters don't work in real life.  

Second day of 2016 and I'm still fluffy and aging.  House is still a big dadgum mess because we left the day after Chrstmas and got home in January {sounds so much more dramatic that way}.  I can't decide if I want to drink a pot of coffee because I just like it dang it, three shots of fireball and say to heck with it all, an herbal tea cleanse to help with my fluffy places or water because I'm already behind on my water intake for the day.  Coffee counts toward my 2,000 ounces right?  

Dishes for daaaaaayzzzz

I Can't Even

I got home five days ago from the longest trip I have ever taken in my life, not to mention the longest away from my three precious angels. (Yep, that was intentional.). I've been home FIVE days and it now feels like I never left.  

Our entire trip to Europe feels like a dream at this particular moment.  I mean, I know it happened.  I have a partially unpacked suitcase in my closet and a long list of credit card purchases, {mainly for delicious food and wine to prove it}.

I came home to my little Cowboy running a fever and coughing through bronchitis. Two days later the Gamechanger had textbook Croup and I was spending my Saturday morning in the pediatrician's waiting room along with fifteen other moms and kids. Yesterday I had to miss church because the baby obviously should not go to the nursery with croup and a fever the day prior.  I knew I needed to hear the sermon and so I tried to live stream, but the first service got stuck about five minutes in and the second service worked perfectly.  However, it's tough to hear the preacher when the baby is crying because everything makes him angry.   I may have seen my husband for a solid two hours total since we got home last week. All quality time has been eaten alive by schedules and a cranky baby. 

This morning I awakened to a new day because I know and believe HIS mercies are new every morning and I sure wish mine were, but sadly today they were not.  The biggins just could not get along, bickering and crying as soon as they saw each other, the baby was once again ticked off anytime be heard the word "no" and I was tapping out before 8 a.m.  I mean a mom can't even take a poop without feeling like she is committing a crime against her children!   My sweet husband called in the middle of me trying to be extra productive and scrub the cushions on the outdoor sofa. Being outside makes the Gamechanger happy and I was trying to knock something off my to-do list.  Mr. GQ's timing was impeccable-just as the baby dumped my big bucket full of Oxyclean and dishsoap all over the patio and into the grass. Awesome.  Hope it's not toxic.   I cried.  He called to check on me because he knows I love the attention and thoughtfulness and I freaked out and cried over spilled Oxyclean and dishsoap. 

It is now time for my mid-morning snack/meal and this baby is going to take an early nap. I think I will go stare at my partially unpacked suitcase and reminisce of the secret moments on our trip that only myself and Mr. GQ know happened.  I like that.  I like our secrets.  When Gamechanger wakes up I am going to press ReStart on this day but I'll make sure I go to the bathroom first.